Emotionless, maybe not

I still do have emotions...Sadness, anger...are the main emotions right now...

The frustration is much more than i thought i'd endure..Never thought that thingss would be this hard, gone this far. It involves everything that i have.

how much more that people i love would have to endure to achieve the tranquility that the loved ones dreamt of?

Easier said than done. That is why i wish i could shut myself out from those people, which is impossible, because of the loved ones...Those people, they didn't help much, yet say so much, resulting in much more hurt, and damage than its already done. Not putting us back together, but making even more mess, crashing us down into pieces.

I wonder if the pieces can be put together nicely, just like before. Not perfectly (impossible), but just nicely to made up for all the damages that was done..

The second one...

so this is the second one....*sigh*

it's called summer rain. as to why i chose this template...mmm....

i guess the name, summer rain...and the background picture...rain....on summer....there'd be rainbow, right?

i've always love rainbow. but yesterday, i thought..maybe i wanna be a rainbow..beautiful rainbow, makes people feel happy just by watching it. it's something that i feel when i see the rainbow that i can't explain..

the ME that i know right now has changed, into a ice cold heartless person. i didn't realize it until my nephew told me so. or have i been heartless that i never realized it?

new template...

i changed it today....i love the old template, but i think i need to change it, cos i've been using it for years...ahahah...cam lama sangat je...

this new look..i like it, but somehow i just don't feel that the design fits/represents me...

maybe i'll change it...later?tomorrow?next week?next year?

I'm ready...

I guess i'm ready fall in love again..

yes, good thing, i must say...

but first i have to find my future bf. how am i gonna fall in love again if the person hasn't come around?...

yes, saya memang lame, not pretty and boring...and tiada peminat...that's the truth...

Updating

Geez, I've no idea on what to update here...since i've been so caught up in my problematic world and not to say focusing, but rather throwing tantrums in my other blog.

yes,my life has been more pathetic than it had always been. but it hasn't stop me from going out with friends. well, it took us almost an hour to decide where to eat..lol! why are girls so indecisive when it comes to having dinner with friends? that includes me, of course..

uhh...tghr yang sungguh memengantukkan....ahahaha...kenapa lunch break perlu jadi masa utk tdo?

Sgt Tertekan

Hmphhh!!!!!!!!Argh!!!!
Sangat2 stress bile hard disk itu rosak. Content di dalamnya amat penting untuk aku.

Walaupun most of the things aku tak pedulik pn ape isi dia, tapi mmg penting bagi aku..

Sangat² sedih...kerana dia penting, hard disk itu penting...Sangat tertekan dan menekankan.... :'(

Sampai bos aku cakap, aku cam kena sabotaj je. Sbb dlu thumbdrive aku ilang, and then suddenly ade balik. Pastu surat dari jabatan lain ilang, sampai skang ni tgh risau cari. Tak habis ngan tu, hard disk aku rosak. Ade gak barang lain yang ilang..

Dahla skang banyak gile masalah...yang aku tak masuk campur pn orang sengaja libatkan aku. Yang aku tak bersalah pn orang salahkan aku...Masalah dengan diri sendiri lagi, melawan perasaan, melawan otak...Ape nak jadi ngan aku ni?

Takpela Huda, mungkin masanya membuang memori even though u cherish it so much...Redha Huda, redha...percaya dengan ketentuanNya. percaya semua yang jadi dengan izinNya...Bergembiralah! Percayalah kebahagiaan sebenar akan datang dariNya... :')

p/s : dear orang jahat, if u read this, u know who u are. I am stronger than u. There's nothing u can do to tear me down. U cannot hurt me physically or mentally. antalah bape banyak antu pn, Dia lebih berkuasa. ok!!! :)

Labuan Matriculation College(KML) 2002/03 (part 1, maybe)

Title tu macam nostalgic je bunyi nye kan...memories for friends kat KML..

Anyway, masa ke Labuan dlu, my batch was the fifth batch in KML, but the first to stay in the newly ready college. B4 tu klej tak siap lagi, n dgrnye seniors stay kat UMS kampus Labuan. Kampus UMS dengarnya mmg lawa, kat tepi pantai, tapi I’ve never been there. Sbg budak baik, yang aku tau pegi outing kat UK, Labuan Supermarket, etc pastu balik...itu je la life aku, takde nye nak explore2.. Kecuali the time aku ke Dataran Labuan ikut Kak Olianah n family tgk Hari Wilayah, and time jalan2 ngan dia n anak n adik dia.

Dulu, klas2 di KML mula jam 7 pagi n ends at 4/5pm. However, klas2 petang kadang²abis awal. Bile abis awal mulela melepak kat kafe B dgn kawan². Rehat slalunye pkl 8/9/10am n 12/1pm. Kalo tak silap la...correct me if I’m wrong... ;p

As I mentioned earlier, life aku kat matrik dlu sgt ordinary n bosan. Macam buku cite Shin chan ‘Kisah Si Biasa dalam Pengembaraan yang Biasa’. Hahaha.. Ade la a few occassions yang memberi warna pada life aku masa tu.

We were divided into 2 streams, the life science and the physical stream. Dalam hayat n fizikal dibahagi kepada few classes yang besar, kuliah. Dan dalam kuliah lak ada kumpulan2 kecil, tutorial. As for my class, aku budak Hayat 2 Tutorial 14 (H2T14). And every tutorial ni guided by mentors.

Masa tu rapat dengan Suri, Azizi, Dayang, krol, Raop, Nana, Intan, Awie, n the rest of the class la...eheheh... Sinah lak aku tak rapat sgt masa tu, dia ni asal kuliah lain, n masuk klas kitorg pn tak lama...Mentor masa tu Ms Halina, rasanya, pas dia ikut hubby dia ke Catagena, Spain kitorg takde mentor lg kot... everyone loves her..and still do. J

Most of the days after klas Krol temankan aku makan. Kesian member, dah kenyang pn terpaksa temankan aku makan. Thanks K, sbb rajin melayan kerenah kamek yang tahpapa...ahahah...he’s a very good friend. Seronok berkawan dgn dia.

Selalunya, kuliah n tutorial pagi, petang lak utk lab n tutorials. Kesian lecturers aku, sbb aku ni agak lembab..uhuhuhu...Tapi syukurlah, aku lulus kan...Sbnrnye, bukan lembab, bitamin M terlebih...

Yang seronoknya bila buat experiment Kimia n Biologi. Tak ingat la sama meja ngan sape...Tapi paling seronok of course la Biologi(pada aku la). Dlu zaman hp blum ada camera, so takleh nak snap pics of tikus yang kitorg bedah. The whole class pn bau formalin. Form 5 bedah katak, matrik bedah tikus. Semua pn berebut nak bedah tikus. Ahahah...Kesian Cik Ti yang tidak berdosa dan comel itu...Aku rasa la, masa tu bedah tikus tu sbnrnya lebih kepada untuk keseronokan berbanding nak blaja..ahahahah...

Satu lagi eksperimen seronok, kira kepekatan darah(eh, yeke?). Tak ingat sangat la...Tapi yang pastinya hati ayam tu dihancurkan dengan menggunakan rod kaca di dalam tabung uji. Ade gak member yang cam nak muntah, tapi tak ingat sape.

Tapi satu experimen paling hampeh yang kitorg buat yang aku takkan lupa. Kira butir jagung, untuk experiment genetik, hybrid. Semua kitorg kira, tapi takde sorang pn dalam grup kitorg dapat jumlah butir yang betul, sbb calculation semua cam salah je..ahahahha...penat tul kira butir jagung mstu, itu ler yang aku minat pasal mendel nye genetic hybrid theory..ahahahah...Bosan de, klaka pn ade gak mstu...

Dalam kuliah, Mel duduk seblah aku memula. Then Awie lak...Bile boring dalam kuliah, ngantuk yang amat tapi takleh tdo, kitorg borak la...blaja bahasa Mandarin, cite pasal f4, david tao, Meteor Garden, Jay Chou, etc dari Awie. Awie yang ebrtanggungjawab buat aku gile artis2 taiwan nih,...hahahah... Awie ni kuat tdo. Kalo rehat 10 minit pn dia boleh tdo.haha.. Malam2 kalo aku bosan aku akan ke bilik Awie, lepak ngan dia n Al...Dorg slumber jek, tapi pandai..Skang ni rasanya dua2 tgh wat housemanship, kat ne aku tak tau. Al amik medic kat USM, Awie lak kat Uni Padjajaran, Bandung. Lama dah tak chat ngan Awie..Rindu kat dia..