Day 1 without Voice

It started of as a mild cough when I was in KL next morning after I had my brother's vit.C. And then I started to feel as though I'm gonna be attacked by an asthma. Yesterday I had a feeling that I'm gonna be out of voice today.

And yes, my prediction was right. Well, I'm not actually an asthma patient anymore, kinda healed when I was 7 when I had to drink this weird tasted drink and there's this one thing that I couldn't eat for the rest of my life then. I did eat like 2 bites when I was 20, I was attacked for a day, but that's that. Maybe what I felt was just a side effect of what happened then.

So back to my story without a voice, people in the house are having hard time to hear me, usually I choose to try to talk as loud as I could but not this time. I chose to talk less today. Which brings me to my wish during the early days of Ramadhan this year, try not to talk too much.

This is why I think that Allah has granted me my wish, just for a few days(I wouldn't want a permanent one tho). He gave me what I need, He knows that I need it for these few days. And perhaps starting today I'll learn to talk less. :) I don't see this as a bad thing, but somehow, Alhamdulillah I see it as a blessing in disguise..


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Crush

Met this Chinese guy. I like him. Like has crush on him. Liked him since the first time I saw him. He smiled at me last night. And today I went to the same place to see him. He did notice me, but somehow I'm scared I'll make him feel uncomfortable.

The best thing that happened to me in these few years? Someone smiled, and his smile made my day. Made me smile all the way. Making me happy the whole day.

Thank you Allah for giving me this feeling. Making me feel like a teenager. I am most grateful. I miss this feeling. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah

Hari ini benar2 hari dalam sejarah untuk hidup aku. Sejak pagi tadi agaknya, kalau tak silap aku.

Aku rasa aku hampir menemui apa yang aku cari. Terasa sayang, rindu dan sayu yang teramat sangat. Zutto-zutto. Aku harap perasaan ini akan berkekalan, akan bertambah mekar sehingga hujung nyawaku.

Pagi tadi terbaca satu gambar dekat facebook, dia yang mahu berubah ke arah kebaikan, Allah akan menemukan dia dengan orang2 yang baik(lebih kurang begitu lah, aku tak ingat sangat).

Permudahkanlah urusanku menujuMu. Bantulah aku. Semoga aku sentiasa mencintaiMu dan mendambakanMu.
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Closure

I think I've finally found my closure. It's obviously not a good deduction/reasoning for the person involved in that closure, but it helps, at least for me. Alhamdulillah. It made me feel better. I hope I can do better in life. O Allah, help me all the way. Ameen..
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This is me

I am mentally and emotionally disturbed right now. I am bitter. My words are like punches that hits you right in the nose. No words can save me. Just give me time to heal myself. Nobody can help me. Only me. And GOD.
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Menyesal

Ada rasa menyesal dalam hati aku sebab datang. :)



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On the BMT

I went to the BMT, organized by Human Resource Dept and Asian Institute of Management (AIM) Manila in KL from 9th to 13th April (today!).

It was a worthwhile experience. We had lecturers flying all the way from the Phillipines, Prof Frederico Gonzales, Prof Marvin Meduya and Prof Gulliver Go (he was also the Program Director). Wonderful professors! I am most grateful to them. You see, I have no background in Business, Finance, Accounting (well I did it when I was in lower form..basic accounting, that is...) But this course is a new beginning to me, to learn all those thing, learning to like all those field that never I imagined I'd be involved with, which is my field of work now. It's kinda an eye opener to me. They have this thick Phillipines accent, which made things hard for others (I think), but I'm kinda used to it, since I had Madagascar and French lecturer last time.

Prof Gulliver aka Gully was the most popular among everyone. Most girls (even moms!!) had crush on him (including me!)! hahahahaha!! He's the youngest, and he's cute. He's 41, he have 4 kids, the eldest is 19, the youngest is 1. But obviously he doesn't look 41.

Well, a crush is a crush and will be forgotten over time.

Having an eye candy during a difficult course has its own perk. But the most important thing was the experience, knowledge gained during those times. I hope to learn more about business plan in the future. Of course I'm not good with numbers and all but there must be something that I'm good at which I can do to help others.
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in that circle again

"Have You Ever" by S Club 7


Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
Can't you see, (ohhh) that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, (I should know) cos I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go

In love or not in love, happy or having a heartbreaking moment, i still love this song. Somehow.

Moved on, maybe. It took me quite some time to recover this time, but Alhamdulillah, i think i'm okay now. perhaps.

And there's this someone i admire. But i feel so invisible. Never really talked to that person, but somehow i like him. Maybe he's taken, that'll break my heart of course, but i'll move on..So i'm kinda in this love-hate relationship with myself actually for having this feeling. To like someone, is something good, i love this feeling. But i hate the agony of just being able to look at that someone from afar. it hurts. but nonetheless, at least i moved on.

On myself~

Patience...be patient...soon... :)
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Sensitive weekend

Sensitive weekend, it is! Soffiah and Along got married this week. My close friends. So I get a little sensitive, since we share so many stories together. I pray for their happiness. I wish the all the best.
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Adakah ini bermakna saya drama queen?

Yup, that's the title and it's only March 2012, but I mean it. My doctor once said ,'how come dramatic things always happen to you?' And I said 'Not just me, but the car as well. LOL!'
Dulu masa keje kat Kuching, aku tak rasa sangat la hidup aku ni sangat dramatik bila berkaitan dengan kereta, sbb rumah dekat sangat dengan tempat keje..Tapi since September 2010 macam2 kejadian yang mengobviouskan dramaticness itu..hahaha..ini kalau DBP baca bahasa blog aku mmg kne ni..hahaha..

Mula-mula dulu drive proton minyak brake kering, radiator kering, drive shaft rosak bende2 biasa lah...tak berapa nak terasa.

Bila mula keje kat district lain, hari kedua (2nd September 2010, pehhh, ingat lagi tu) keje kat sini adalah kejadian pertama. Tayar pecah kat tengah highway. Kene pulak bulan puasa. Malam aku berbuka masa tu..Tu hanya permulaan..ok tu...

Bende-bende kecik aku tak ingat la kot, ataupun tiada kejadian seumpamanya selepas tu...

1 Mac 2011, pukul 7.30 pagi. Aku telah melanggar punggung seekor triton...habis muncung comel avanza milik ayahanda.teruk gak la aku langgar, sampai badan aku sakit terhentak. Triton tu rileks je body dia, kemek sikit je (daniel comment gambar kat fb, steady je triton neh)..pakcik yang aku langgar tu masa aku tumpang kete dia g balai siap urut2 leher.aku tanya la, apsal kne hentakan terukke?dia kata 'tak tau laa..mungkin silap bantal kot' huhhh...mmg naseb baek laaa dia jawab gitu kan...eheheheh...itulah saman pertama seorang saya..melanggar punggung seekor triton.

Lepas tu pinjamlah sebuah kereta 4WD or separuh 4WD, tak sure la, sbb aku ni bukan particular sgt pn pasal keta. Asal dapat jalan sudehhh..

Masa ulang alik pakai kete pinjam tu, jumaat pertama selepas minggu eksiden, petang tu aku nak balik Kuching Speedometer cable terputus dekat tempat yang sama aku eksiden..beza beberapa meter je..gulp!aku tak tau la, mungkin aku yang tak bernasib baik dgn jalan tu kot..uhuhuhuhuh

Beberapa bulan selepas itu, masa nak buat collection (nasib baek pergi berdua, kalau sorg mati kutu gak kot)..aku ngan daniel berenti kat Desa Ilmu, nak rest kunun..but seriously, it is a blessing in disguise.masa daniel start kete nak jalan balik aku dok luar kete sbb tgh on the phone dgn sorg officer nih. Tiba2 aku nampak air radiator melimpah2. Kitorg bergegas nak ke bengkel. Skali kne matikan enjin sbb kete overheat..kete pun tinggal kat nursery selama beberapa minggu..huhuhu..yes, itu adalah ketiga..

Lepas tu ade la beberapa kejadian melibatkan kete tu dan daniel. Tajuk ini bukan pasal daniel, so aku malas sebut...

Kejadian terakhir 2011 melibatkan avanza ayahanda..ehhh...no, no...baru teringat...itu yang terakhir untuk 2011..sebelum tu. Ramadhan tahun lepas..ha'ah...uhuhuhuhuh...yup, Ramadhan tahun lepas aku spend dengan berulang alik dari opis ke rumah, sbb aku kesian takut mak buka puasa sorang2...Satu hari di bulan Ramadhan, aku tgh drebing balik umah.hari tu hujan renyai. Ade la kilat sabung menyabung, tapi ok saje. Aku terlupa yang aku tengah pasang modulator. Dipendekkan cerita, dekat jalan keretapi tgh syok2 aku driving slow and steady tiba2 aku dengar bunyi 'banggggg!!!!!' Serius aku sangat terkejut.rasa pekak kejap. Ada pokok jatuh atas kete aku ke?alamak!!!keta kene panah kilat.hah!!hambek kau!serius aku tak berani nak berentikan kereta selagi tak sampai rumah. Aku takut kalau aku matikan kete nnt kete takleh nak jalan dah. Bila fikir2 balik aku rasa aku ni berani mati btul masa tu...huhuhuh..Sampai2 kat umah aku pn cek ade x scratch mana2..alhamdulillah takde.aku gugel(google) sana sini pasal kereta kene panah kilat, sbb semua orang yang aku tanya semua tak tau consequences dia.tapi syukur, takde apa2 yang perlu aku risaukan. Tapi sebenarnya risau jugak takut kene sedekah duit dekat bengkel kan..uhuuhhu

Lepas kes tu la aku jumpa doktor yang cakap life aku dramatic.hahaah

Kejadian penutup 2011..masa aku servis kereta. Masa servis kereta kat district, orang tu kata oil pan aku longgar, kena tukar...mahal woooooo....huhuhuhuh...itu sebab diorang cari sebab untuk aku spend duit dekat situ, itu aku fikir la..tapi aku tak juga rasa itu alasan semata2..apa yang aku langgar sampai oil pan loose ek?ahahah..cuma aku rasa nak tukar oil pan tu mahal sangat, takde option laen ke? Sebulan lepas tu aku servis kereta lagi, kali ni memang betul2..bukan oil pan yang loose, skru oil pan je...mengada2 betollll!!!tapi sebab sabtu tu banyak kedai tutup, bengkel tu tak dapat cari skru, diorang takde pilihan laen selain menge'seal' oilpan tu.pakcik tu kata, nanti awak nak servis lagi awak tebuk la oilpan ni...dalam hati aku, takde pilihan lain, duit lagi!!uhuhhu...at least tak semahal tukar oil pan baru kan??siyes aku tak puas hati ngan bengkel yang suruh aku tukar oilpan tu..hahahahah...

Tapi...isu oilpan telahpun diresolve secara kebetulan oleh ayahanda..aku tak jadi tebuk..ayahanda xbagi, dia kata sedut je..tapi sbb oilpan tu panas so gam tu makin lama makin loose la, itu yang boleh tukar skru baru tu kot...selamat wang beta..tapi mahal gak aa kena masa tu...200+..nasib baek ayahanda menambah..sayang ayahanda!ehehehehe..dan nasib baik hanya 200+ dan tidak lebih dari itu..

2011 dah 3 bulan berlalu...2012 bermula mac dah mula bagi pengajaran perihal kereta..dan kejadian itu sangat melengkapkan hari aku. 09.03.2012. Harap2 entri yang sepatutnya bernama 'Hari paling dramatik 2012' tu dapat disiapkan untuk kenangan aku.ehehehe..

Amacam, dramatik kan? Boleh jadi drama queen?
"̮ƗƗɪ̣̇ƗƗɪ̣̇ƗƗɪ̣̇ ๑ˆ⌣ˆ๑ "̮ƗƗɪ̣̇ƗƗɪ̣̇ƗƗɪ̣̇. otak aku hanya aku benarkan memberitahu diriku semuanya hanyalah untuk pengalaman dan pengajaran aku agar bertindak lebih bijak di masa hadapan.. :)
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It is time to move on

I did update something for my previous entry, the AMT entry, but I didn't publish it. I dunno why, I just don't feel like updating the entry anymore.

Weird things happened to me. Internally, I mean. More like emotionally and mentally. Nahhhh..not physically, cos the scale is broken (yep, not losing any weight since I gain A LOT since the yesteryears..boohooo!)

I mean something that shouldn't be there anymore. These few weeks I keep on experiencing recurring dreams. It was like my feelings were drawn to that certain something. But in the end the only thing that's left to me was(and still does) is frustration.

So stupid of me to do that something. Yeah, I know! I know! I still do feel numb. But at least I'm better than this mornin' or yesterday's evening..

So thankful to Allah and all the people who showed the love and care for me during the sickly hours. Thank you for spending your time, your ears, your heart, your shoulder for me to cry on. I feel loved and blessed.

Get up!time to move on!fly higher!even higher that what you dream you could be, where it leads you to. It could be beyond your wildest imagination. Believe in yourself.

Verily, after each difficulty there is a relief (94:6). - the ultimate love letter, from Him. I believe in His word. My time will come. Soon. I will be happy too. I'll smile. There's always a BLESSING IN DISGUISE. Because He's the only one who knows what lies ahead, and what's best for us.

Which is why I love 94:6 and Blessings in Disguise.
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Journey's end

Yep, my course in Melaka and shopping in KL finally ended.

I've safely arrived at my home schweet home around 12.30 am. My flight was delayed for almost an hour. I believe and I know so that no matter where we are, no matter how nice other places are, no matter how small or untidy our home(yes, I'm talking about my room, and I hate cleaning my room although I actually prefer my room to be clean.lol.who doesn't?) is, yes, home is the most comfortable place to be, where you should feel safest, it's the place to be...

Sleep well, dear me. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. Bon nuit! It feels goOd to be back. :)
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Achievement Motivation Training

I'm here, in Melaka..until Thursday. And the purpose of me being in Melaka would be to join the course mentioned above.

Twas fun, and all. I came here empty headed. Yes, I didn't expect anything. I thought that it was just a course, a normal course. But I guess this course kinda motivates me, make me wanna do better. It made me think of the purpose of me working with this organization, and what my aim is, especially work-related goal. What kind of leader I wish to be, I want to be. Where am I? Who am I?

I made mistakes tonight. Please Hotaru, don't make people misunderstand you. Your wandering makes people wonder, even when you have nothing in mind.
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Testing

Yeah, I'm trying... ;p
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updating

Yeah, i'm updating my blog...it's been almost a year since i last update my blog...congratulations, dear me!!! a new entry!!lol!