Demotivated

Adalah merasa sangat2 demotivated sekarang. macam2 kawan2 aku cakap utk tlg aku, bg nasihat. time kasih kawan2...

tp, skang ni nak nangis pn takbleh dah...sangat2 sedih tapi sangat2 takleh nak nangis...ini suda gile demotivated. ujung tahun lepas, kne marah pn masih boleh nangis...but not this time...macam at wits end. sinah kata, kalo dah takleh nak nangis tu maknanya mmg takleh nak tanggung lagi, bende tu terlalu berat..

takdela berat sngat, cuma aku tak suke sgt2...gile2 tak ske. n gile2 demotivated. n is resulting to hatred...waaaa.....sangat rebel skang....

Moving on

It's been months since I've moved on. I was just not in the mood to update the blog. But then again, I've just created a new blog, for fun?I mean to put up stuff that I think is entertaining, fun, intriguing, uh i don't know...my stress therapy?

My current interest is Seung Jo, Playful Kiss main character..And yes, I prefer Hyun Joong than Joe. Not that I don't like Joe Cheng, I just think that Hyun Joong is cuter..I wish someone like Seung Jo would come into my life. But come to think of it, someone like him might not be my soulmate, since I'm not as stupid as Ha Ni, and neither am I as smart as Hae Ra. I think I'm just an average plain Jane who is a little overweight. *sigh*

Positively, nobody is a plain Jane, cos everyone, be it male, or female is special in their own way. and will enchant those who look at them in a special way...

Al-Fatihah

Al-Fatihah buat sahabat tersayang, Siti Nurshilawati Abd Jalal yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada 2 Syawal yang lalu, jam 6.30 petang. Semoga Allah memberkatimu dan ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang beriman.

Terkejut bila dapat berita tu pkl 1 pagi 3 Syawal yang lepas. Macam tak percaya, amik masa gak nak kne tau dia sakit pe..

Kalo nak ikutkan, masa aku mula2 kenal arwah takde la rapat pn, tapi bile form1, kelas sama, duduk pun bersebelahan. Masa tu kat depan kitorg Asari n Shah Erhan. Bile aku pindah, aku call Angah, dia kata Cikgu Trumay cakap sejak aku takde memang dah tak dengar suara Shila.
Ye la, aku ni kan kecoh..

Dia memang baik, sangat-sangat baik. Lama aku cari dia kat fb, last2 jumpa...tapi tak sempat nak catch up and all...Allah lebih menyayanginya...

Yes, walaupun aku jauh, aku pn terasa kehilangan dia..Apepun, aku bersyukur sbb berpeluang mengenali arwah. Sangat-sangat gembira dapat berkawan dengan dia, walaupun sekejap..

Semoga roh awak tenang di sana, Shila. dan kite berdoa agar kita dipertemukan di sana kelak..Your loss is felt deeply and you'll be badly missed by all of us..R.I.P.

Al-Fatihah

Raya

I wish i won't have to go visiting tomorrow..I just wanna stay home and rest. I really need it. Since I've been sleeping late during the weekdays and sometimes did not sleep at all during the weekend. Yes, it's my fault. But it ain't a crime to work extra hours, as long as it didn't disturb my daily working routine. It just made me feel tired, that's all.

I feel kinda sad that ramadhan is leaving so soon. May I have the chance to meet Ramadhan again next year..Ameen....

Banyak bende jadik dalam Ramadhan tahun ni. 2 tahun lepas dalam bulan Ramadhan aku sedih sangat...and skng pn masih lagi sedih.

Tapi aku harap Ramadhan kali ni jadi satu permulaan perjalanan baru dalam hidup aku. Murah sgt2 rezeki Ramadhan tahun ni.Alhamdulillah...bersyukur sangat2..

1. Ramadhan ni aku jadi entrepreneur kecil2an..hahahaah...it became something unexpected. Jual kek n biskut..mmm...penat..tak la byk sgt dapat, tapi bole la untuk cover belanja aku sebulan 2 ni kot..harap2nya...
2. Tahun ni aku dapat keje baru..Di organisasi yang sama, tapi different position and different place. Ini memang bende yang aku paling tak jangka. Sbb aku dah redha gile (tapi tak sedih) bile aku rasa tak dapat keje yang aku mintak tu. Tapi banyak la orang kat ofis pujuk...mmm...masa tu, aku cuma fikir aku mmg ditakdirkan untuk berada di Kuching dan bukan di tempat lain. Ade sebabnye aku berada kat sini. I need to be with moi family, yang aku rasa mmg itula sebab aku masih berada di tempat yang sama. Plus lega bila tak dapat keje tu sbb aku risau sape yang nak mengisahkan kuih2 order orang yang berlambak itu...takkanla akak aku sorang je nak wat, larat ke dia?? Sangat gembira, bersyukur n puas hati masa tu. Tapi berita yang aku terima pasal this new position buat aku rasa macam, ya Allah, masa aku dah tiba ke? Sampai sekarang aku rasa cam unsangkarable gile, walaupun aku dah berada di daerah lain nih (ulang alik everyday around 140km for the time being, sbb kne cari rumah n housemate, tak jumpa lagi). Nnt kalo aku rajin aku cite on the situation masa dapat tau keje nih..

Dua ni la major things yang happened(and still do) dalam life aku b4 and sepanjang Ramadhan ni...

Rezeki yang tuhan bagi ni mmg buat aku rasa sgt2 macam tak percaya..Aku tau rezeki yang tuhan bagi selama ni pn tak terhitung banyaknya...udara yang aku sedut, kesempurnaan anggota badan, cukup makan pakai..semua...ustazah kat tv tu ade cakap, kadang2 baru terdetik kat hati kita, tak sebut lagi, tapi tuhan dah bagi...tapi banyak mana kita perasan akan benda tu?Kita manusia selalu rasa tak cukup kan...aku pn slalu macam tu, tapi itu lah yang aku cuba ubah esp lepas dengar ceramah ustazah tu aritu...

Aku masih sedih bila ingat dia. Aku nak cari pengganti dia, tapi takde yang minat aku kan...So, biar je la life camni dulu kan...Aku cuma berharap dan berdoa semoga ape yang jadi dalam idup aku skang ni buat aku terus move forward dan boleh ubati luka kat hati aku ni.

One of mak punye dreams dah jadi kenyataan, which is pasal keje aku ni la...tapi yang slalu mak tanye tu, sori mak, bukan xmk, blum dapat lagik la mak...tunggu putera kayangan...

Flowers for Raya

yay~!at last, tercapai impian utk guna fresh roses for raya~yay!!!sbb white roses tak cukup, kene campur white+red..campur pn campur laaa....asal cantik...yay~!

selamat hari raya~

Destiny or Doom?

~ini adalah entry berani mati~

I don’t know if it was planned or it’s something that I hafta live through my whole life. It’s either giving me hopes or it’ll taunt me for the rest of my life. Destiny or doom?

The name of my boss’s newborn is Mohd Ashraf something. And I stupidly bought a book (can I call it stupid when I actually bought the book because I like the book? no!) with the main character’s name Ashraff and one character with the name Jay, and the girl’s brother, Along. I have nephews named Ashraf. Maybe my life only revolves along that name and that kind of character. What a life! Kalo camtu, jadik spinster la aku nihhhhh...adeiiiii!!!! Menyiksakan, menyakitkan dan memarahkan diri sendiri.

Urgh~! In my life Ashraf=Jay= Along=Kerbau is the same person. Yes, that one and only person. For those who knew my stupid love story since I was 10 would know who this person is.

Life has been better for me, I’m learning to be grateful, live happier, change to a better me (the hardest part) despite all the distractions, which is a test for us. Pdoz said the way I view life nowadays, and the way I think is difficult to realize. Maybe, but I think that’s the best for now. Perhaps it’s the best for all time. I mean, think about it, being grateful in everything. Good or bad. I mean, I you really think about it, it's not so hard. It's like a therapy for me.

But that one thing, I guess I haven’t been able to let go. Too much memory for that 3 short years. So each time I heard this name it still gives me impact. I do not know why the memories give such enormous impact. (Over la kan, enormous gitu. chewah! ;p)

As I was composing this entry I felt sad. I miss his presence in my life, I miss talking to him about everything, and I miss him. But I know this is something I have to endure. I shall not regret meeting him, for that I know meeting him was fate and there’s a reason for it to happen. I will feel what I felt then. Again. As to with who, I do not know. The future is vague. Lol.

Miss Jay should not worry, cos I’m not taking him away from her, and I have no intentions on doing so, believe me. Thanks to the power of egoistic and pride. The moment I knew that Miss Jay was with him, I’ve decided to never bother his life anymore, no matter how far his shadow is following me. I don’t tolerate with such thing. Not even with myself.

Perhaps he’ll come back or the shadow will leave eventually. I dare not think. Just go with the flow. As of now, I try to be the best me in every way I could. All the endurance will make me stronger mentally and emotionally for the future.

Mr. Future-bf, sile datang dengan cepat, and take this pain away. Aahahahaha.... *as though others could take the pain away from me. Silly*

This September I will celebrate my 2nd year of being single. Waaaa....macam anak dara tak laku je sbb single terlalu lama...ahahahah...

July 2010

uhh....Bulan yang menyesakkan....aku rase aku cam stress gile yang telah menyebabkan aku berbelanja secara berlebihan....uhmmm......ye ke terlebih stress?maybe...but on the other hand aku rasa sbb aku nye belanja ke atas barang2 unexpected...

tapi takpe...aku bersyukur dgn rezeki yang ade.... :)

tapi....wahai encik ujung bulan...sile datang dengan cepat ye....eheheheh