Destiny or Doom?

~ini adalah entry berani mati~

I don’t know if it was planned or it’s something that I hafta live through my whole life. It’s either giving me hopes or it’ll taunt me for the rest of my life. Destiny or doom?

The name of my boss’s newborn is Mohd Ashraf something. And I stupidly bought a book (can I call it stupid when I actually bought the book because I like the book? no!) with the main character’s name Ashraff and one character with the name Jay, and the girl’s brother, Along. I have nephews named Ashraf. Maybe my life only revolves along that name and that kind of character. What a life! Kalo camtu, jadik spinster la aku nihhhhh...adeiiiii!!!! Menyiksakan, menyakitkan dan memarahkan diri sendiri.

Urgh~! In my life Ashraf=Jay= Along=Kerbau is the same person. Yes, that one and only person. For those who knew my stupid love story since I was 10 would know who this person is.

Life has been better for me, I’m learning to be grateful, live happier, change to a better me (the hardest part) despite all the distractions, which is a test for us. Pdoz said the way I view life nowadays, and the way I think is difficult to realize. Maybe, but I think that’s the best for now. Perhaps it’s the best for all time. I mean, think about it, being grateful in everything. Good or bad. I mean, I you really think about it, it's not so hard. It's like a therapy for me.

But that one thing, I guess I haven’t been able to let go. Too much memory for that 3 short years. So each time I heard this name it still gives me impact. I do not know why the memories give such enormous impact. (Over la kan, enormous gitu. chewah! ;p)

As I was composing this entry I felt sad. I miss his presence in my life, I miss talking to him about everything, and I miss him. But I know this is something I have to endure. I shall not regret meeting him, for that I know meeting him was fate and there’s a reason for it to happen. I will feel what I felt then. Again. As to with who, I do not know. The future is vague. Lol.

Miss Jay should not worry, cos I’m not taking him away from her, and I have no intentions on doing so, believe me. Thanks to the power of egoistic and pride. The moment I knew that Miss Jay was with him, I’ve decided to never bother his life anymore, no matter how far his shadow is following me. I don’t tolerate with such thing. Not even with myself.

Perhaps he’ll come back or the shadow will leave eventually. I dare not think. Just go with the flow. As of now, I try to be the best me in every way I could. All the endurance will make me stronger mentally and emotionally for the future.

Mr. Future-bf, sile datang dengan cepat, and take this pain away. Aahahahaha.... *as though others could take the pain away from me. Silly*

This September I will celebrate my 2nd year of being single. Waaaa....macam anak dara tak laku je sbb single terlalu lama...ahahahah...